Category Archives: cheating

That Waiting Room Conversation – by: Jake

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“Don’t think that we are friends now” Chris said. “Dragging me into and out of life-threatening situations doesn’t change what you have done to my family. I know all this stuff is a joke to you, but I’m pretty seriously affected by what you have done with Odette. So is my daughter.”

I thought to myself that I needed to come clean with Chris, and even though I felt really uncomfortable I said, “Odette doesn’t like me. She has made it clear for a long time now that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. She has told me that she loves her husband and to leave her the fuck alone. Coming to the beach, that was my idea, not hers, and when I got there she told me quite plainly to just go home.”

“I don’t get it” Chris said. Are you telling me that when you came here, nothing happened between you two?”

I sat there. I didn’t want to lie incase she told him the truth later, then everything I said now would be worthless..he wouldn’t believe any of it.

“I’m not saying that.”

“Oh fuck you” he said and got up and went to sit in a different chair at the other side of the waiting room.

I looked at him over there and thought about how hard I had tried to get his wife to leave him. Now here he was, getting ready to pay for fixing my ribs that he justifiably broke. What kind of a person does that? Not me, that’s for damn sure. He was this totally nice guy and I had wrecked his life because I thought it was fun to make out with his wife, to get her to do as much with me as possible and, yeah, I found that I was very good at persuading her. I thought about how amazing things were with Odette. Then I looked up at Chris all beat up with his head in his hand and his arm across his belly. Was it worth it? Right now it didn’t seem like it, but yesterday, damn that was fun. You don’t get to experience shit like that every day.

I examined him for a few minutes. He caught me staring and shot me a death-look. But I was wondering, what kind of relationship did he and Odette have? Did they ever laugh together? Did he know that she knew every fairytale on the planet, that her feet were insanely ticklish or that we agreed that I own the freckle in the middle of her left arm? He probably didn’t know that last one.

But she had been quite clear that she was done with me, that she didn’t love me because of that guy sitting over there. I imagined stepping over him and leaving him for Rissa’s dad. Would Odette run to me if Chris was gone forever? Probably not. I thought about Rissa sitting in my truck. She was a sweet girl. I was going to have to be really careful not to corrupt her.

Unwelcome- by: Jake

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It happened kind of fast, and I didn’t want it to happen. I can’t keep my mouth shut. I underestimated him. I mean, he has had so many chances to kick my ass but I should have known that you can’t say shit like that to a guy who’s had a few drinks and his wife is standing right there. I mean, even Chris has a limit and I was too sauced to realize that obvious fact.

So after Chris was done berating me about how I was following him around and to get my own life, I told him that I would if his wife wasn’t so obsessed with my dick. I suppose I wasn’t surprised at being on the ground the next second. But I was surprised at how hard his fist nailed my face. I just wanted it to stop. I wasn’t fighting to hurt him, I was fighting to get him the fuck off me. When I kicked him to the ground then caught him with my foot like I was trying to score a goal with his face, I was impressed at how much blood spurted out of his nose. But I also knew that I wasn’t going to like what was coming next. It was more of the same, enraged dude on top of me pounding me in the gut, so that any water I hadn’t vomited up that morning was surely going to come up now.

When I was floating, lost under the green ocean this morning I wondered if I was going to die. Then now as I was repeatedly punched in the kidney while I couldn’t even wrap my brain around how to get him the hell off me, I wondered again if I was going to die on this beach, over Odette. Then when it stopped suddenly, and I managed to get the hell out of there, Rissa came and helped me walk to my truck. She told me I could stay at her house and that she would drive my truck there for me. She said she had access to Oxycodone because her Dad ate it like candy and I suddenly realized with horror she was taking me to her parent’s house. But at that point I just said OK because I needed something to stop the pain radiating throughout my body.

And through my face throbbing, my lip leaking into my mouth and my stomach aching like when I was a kid and ate 20 Flintstones but never told anyone, I couldn’t help but also think, wearily, I bet she just wants me to fuck her in her bedroom with her door locked while her parents watch TV in the living room.

St. Augustine Beach Party – by: Odette

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(warning….strong language at the end of this post)

Chris was actually waiting right there for me in the hallway. I looked up at him, surprised that he was standing outside my bedroom door. I couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t shaved in a few days and his hair was a little longer and scraggly-looking. But he was smiling back, almost glowing and I realized we were both very happy to see each other. What a relief. He took me in his arms and breathed in my hair, then he kissed me and looked at my face and kissed me again. His cheek was scratchy and it made me laugh.

“Are you OK?” he said. “God you make me worry about you. Why are you hiding from me?”

“Can’t a person put on some makeup in privacy?” I grinned.

He looked a little confused. “Yea sure, of course.” He took my hand and we walked into the living room where the rest of the band were also looking a bit scruffy, all holding their rucksacks. Dave had his arm snug around a huge longboard. Luna and I got to work showing them where they would be sleeping. Zoe was going to sleep with Luna for the night so a couple of guys could have her room. Then the other two had the guest room. Dave said he was just going to sleep out on the hammock on the porch, but I sugessted he have a back-up plan incase it rained and he said the couch was a fine back up plan. Luna grimaced. “Well I’ll put some sheets over here next to the couch then. Please spread them over the cushions before sleeping on it. And make sure you take your shoes off,” Luna said. “Or you could just move a few steps further to the guest room where I have a bed prepared for you,” she suggested.

“She doesn’t want a smelly drunk guy sleeping and puking on her expensive couch!” I said.

“Oh OK.” he grumbled, and shot me a scowl.

All at once the place started to fill up. It wasn’t like a usual Luna-party. The word had got out that Chris’s band was going to be here and soon the house was jam packed with fans, locals and other musicians. Chris and I walked Zoe over Bob and Lucy’s house. I didn’t want to put her to bed where there was such mayham. We stayed and had a glass of wine with the happy old couple. They wanted to hear all about Zoe’s “spectrum” dance class. Then I left Zoe falling asleep against Lucy on the couch with the TV on. Bob walked back with us to Luna’s. We walked past the tour bus which Chris promised he would show me properly after they cleaned it up. The night air was crisp and cool with tons of stars in the clear sky. There were cars parked all the way down the street for what looked like a mile. We could hear the music out on the street. Some other band was playing first, in Luna’s living room and I imagined with dismay, the mess of wires and amps all over her pristine wood floors. Chris said he was ready to let loose and have some fun so when we got back to the house he disappeared to go and find Dave and the guys. I went out on to the porch where it wasn’t so noisy and talked to Bob for a long time. He is so nice, brought us a bottle of bourbon. I didn’t think I should mix that with Ativan though and just nursed my one glass of white wine that I had carried over from Lucy’s house, taking miniscule sips.

We were just talking about Lucy’s new pottery line and how she might actually open a store downtown, when when we heard hoots and yells and laughing. I looked out towards the beach to see 4 bare asses, including my husband’s, as the guys in the band were running naked to the ocean leaving their shorts and sweaters on the sand. Of course their friends immediately started gathering up the discarcded clothes so there would be nothing for the guys to put on once they came back in. But I walked down the wooden porch steps to the beach and pulled all the clothes from their hands, then walked over to the waters edge to wait. Luna and Bob joined me a few minutes later with some large towels.

“They are such idiots!” I said, as we watched them diving in and doing front flips over the waves. They didn’t stay out for long and came running back to the beach freezing cold and Luna laughed and shook her head as she put the towels over their bare shoulders. She gave me a towel to give to Chris.

“Seriously?” I said. “You can’t just hang out and be a normal human being for one night?” He grabbed me and splashed back into the ocean and held me over the waves while I screamed for him to put me down.

“I’ll put you down!” he shouted through his laughter.

“Nooooo!!!” I screamed. He carried me back to the beach where he was laughing so hard he was practically coughing.

“Put some clothes on you idiot!” I yelled at him. Then I grabbed his boxers and smacked him in the belly with them. He started to put them on and I couldn’t help but laugh with him. Once he was finally dressed but still shivering a little, we walked back with his arm wrapped tightly around me. We stopped in the sand below the porch. A bunch of people had gathered there to hang out where it was quieter and sheltered from the cold ocean-breeze. Chris held on to me the whole time while he talked to people that I had never met before, but he seemed completely comfortable with. He told them about the tour and when they got food poisoning all at the same time on the bus last week and how disgusting it was.

I stood there listening to him talk easily and happily, looking over at me and grinning periodically as I stood there quietly. After a few minutes he turned to me and whispered in my ear, “Do you want to go for a walk on the beach, away from everyone?” I nodded and my heart started to thud. He went and got a beer out of the cooler nearby then we turned away from everyone to head off on our walk… but stopped when we saw Rissa and Jake walking up to us from the beach. “Oh no” I whispered. Chris immediately let go of my hand. Jake stumbled up to us. He was obvioulsy quite drunk. Rissa smiled at me but her face dropped when she saw my expression.

“What is he doing here?” Chris said.

“He’s with Rissa” I said.

“Who the hell is Rissa?”

I held out my hand towards her, “Rissa is Jake’s girlfriend, and she’s my friend. She lives here in St. Augustine.”

“Small world” Chris said. “A little too small. What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Odette, why don’t you tell him why I’m here?” Jake slurred.

“He came to see Rissa, didn’t he?” I said, looking at her pleadingly.

She nodded, looking horrified. “I thought he was friends with you guys” she said. “When I saw him…”

“Jake, leave!” I cut her off. I didn’t need her saying she saw him over here.

Chris put his hand on my shoulder and I saw Jake’s expression cloud over. I could feel my breathing getting faster and I just wanted to push Jake away from us, push his drunk-ass off down the beach to his truck where he could sleep it off. But I wasn’t allowed to be that familiar with him anymore. I was stuck.

I slipped my arm around Chris’s back and I know that sent Jake over the edge. He pushed Rissa away and pointed at me, “She acts like she’s so goddamn innocent around you. But she knows, and I know what she is really like.” He took a step towards Chris and looked him in the eye. “You’re never going to really know that girl. You should see the things she likes me to do to her…they are not so innocent, are they Odette?”

Chris held his beer out in front of him, pointing it at Jake. “I don’t believe you, you drunk piece of shit. Why the fuck do you follow me around? You are not invited anywhere, yet you always seem to show up. Get your own fucking life you miserable little prick. Stop trying to borrow mine. It’s pitiful.”

I braced myself for Jake’s response: “I would, Chris, fucking rock-star-extraordinaire, if your wife wasn’t so obsessed with my dick.”

You’re Not The Only One – by: Chris

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The guys went wild when they found out that Luna lived right on the beach. Even Dave cracked a rare smile when it registered that we would be surfing tomorrow morning. I had forgotten how pretty the beach is at night and how peaceful Luna’s place looked from a distance. I knew once we got inside it would be anything but calm, but we all needed to cut loose after 5 straight days on that damn tour bus. I hope that Luna didn’t tell Odette that I was coming. I could hardly wait to see the look in her eye when she saw just who Luna’s surprise band was.

We parked, per Luna’s instructions, down the road at Bob and Lucy’s place. They have lived here probably as long as Luna has and have been a stabilizing presence in the revolving door of their neighbors life. Bob is a professor at the university and Lucy is an expert Gardner. They have been married forever and Odette and I always said we wanted our marriage to be just like theirs. I wonder if Odette ever thinks of that anymore.

“Christopher, my gallant young friend how goes the music business these days?” I could not stop grinning as I shook Bob’s hand a bit harder than I intended. We exchanged pleasantries about the weather and nothing in particular and just as I was ready get my stuff out of the bus when Bob immobilized me, “You know, Lucy was a lesbian once”.

I pretended that I was looking for something in my rucksack and mumbled to the guys that they should go on up to Luna’s without me. I turned to face Bob whose bemused face startled me into squeaking out “Wow, what was that?”

“You heard me dear boy and feigning deafness is not the reaction that I was expecting. You see, I know what is going on with you and Odette. Luna has been telling me a bit about Odette’s infatuation with the young student and I thought you might appreciate hearing from a guy whose been through it.” I started to tell Bob that I didn’t need to hear about Lucy’s experimental phases and was silently cursing Luna and her big mouth when he interrupted with a theatrical sigh.

“It was back in 1978. The girls were still small and we used to rent out the guest cottage to visiting artists in order to both get a little cash and add some diversity to our otherwise homogeneous community. That year, we rented to a friend of Luna’s called Betsy who was a sculptress/pot dealer. Lucy was infatuated with her right from the get go and spent hours at the cottage watching Betsy work. The two began a morning ritual of a brisk nude swim in the ocean and I suppose it was on one of those mornings that the affair began. On a red and white striped beach towel with the sun just waking up, Lucy betrayed me.”

Bob was starting to look misty eyed and I wondered if he actually might cry but he only offered a small smile and continued.

“Soon, Luce was consumed. She started spending more and more time at the cottage and less time with me. Now, as you know we all consider ourselves enlightened and evolved human beings and as a proud Francophile I sort of always romanticized the idea of an affair. It seemed so terribly sophisticated when I would read about it in one of my novels or learn of some celebrity or other stepping out on his or her spouse. So, I was surprised at just how hurt, angry, you name it I was. One night, when Lucy was off somewhere with Betsy instead of tending to me and the girls, I just lost my mind. I went down to the cottage and started busting all of Betsy’s sculptures. One by one, I smashed those delicate beauties against the cold, ceramic floor and watched with a sort of demented glee at how easily they shattered.”

I shook my head and leaned back on the bus holding my rucksack, “Bob, I am so sorry. How did you get through all of this? What happened when Betsy found her broken sculptures?” This time it was clear that he was wiping away a stray tear as he finished the story.

“Well, after I had destroyed three or four of the smaller pieces I found that I was horrified at what I had done and began to frantically look for a broom to sweep up the evidence and that is when Lucy and her girlfriend walked in. Betsy immediately started to scream at me and began to lunge for the broom to hit me with I suppose, when Lucy stopped the chaos with her laughter. Tears were rolling down her face as she explained that in 8 years of marriage this was the first time she saw me cleaning anything. Stunned, I began to think about all of the other things I had not been doing and I realized that Lucy wasn’t doing this to me she was doing it for her. Sadly, the two intertwined and by freeing herself, she was killing me. Betsy stormed off, Lucy and I spent that night talking and I am proud to say that ever since that August night, I have swept up my fair share of spills.  Lucy learned to really talk to me about what was bothering her, what she needed, when she was scared that we may be slipping off a cliff rather than talk about me to another. Forty two years of marriage has taught me that it is easy to get off track. But, if you both want to, you can find a way to work through anything. Damn though, that was a horrible summer.”

I nodded and thought about Odette and wondered if we could figure out our way. Would this just be a horrible season in our otherwise happy marriage? Or, would it be the thing that breaks us? I needed to clear my head so I told Bob I was going to walk along the beach before going up to the house. He patted me on the back and assured me that he would be at the party later with something special to share. I smiled, touched that he always remembered my fondness for bourbon and headed off towards the beach.

In the not to far distance I saw a  girl with a guy that looked alarmingly like Jake. There was no way he would just randomly be all the way out here, unless Odette asked him to come. But she would never do that. The two were laughing and he was pretending to drown in the shallow water. He looked a hell of a lot like Jake, but the dark plays tricks on the eyes I suppose.  I see that guy everywhere I go. I looked down and saw a seashell that I picked up for Zoe and headed up towards the house; to my girls.

Luna’s Phone Call – by: Odette

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Jake was in the bathroom when my phone rang.

“Hi Luna. What’s up?”

“Hi Honey, I’m know I was going to stay out late with Zoe but plans have changed.”

“They have?”

“Yes. Would you get the house picked up? We are going to have a little get together.”

“Again?!”

“Yes.”

“God, Luna, can’t we have a night off?”

“This is going to be special,” she said. “Really special.” She sounded giddy.

I sighed. “Jake’s here,” I said.

“Who?”

“You know, Jake. I told you about him.”

She was quiet. “Why is he there honey? I thought you told me that you were done with him.”

“I know. He’s just so persuasive. Luna, I can’t tell that boy no.”

“Can’t tell him no? What exactly do you mean?”

“I think you know what I mean, Luna.”

“You understand the word, no. You use it plenty my dear and be sure that his persuasiveness doesn’t absolve you from any guilt.” She said quietly.

“I use it with him too, but I can’t stay away from him. He knows how I feel about him and just finds his way back in to my life, and my heart and my bedroom. Luna, I feel like I don’t even know how things happen until after they happen. It isn’t my fault that he won’t leave me alone.”

“Odette, I’m finding this to be extremely irritating,” she said. “You are a strong woman who is letting this guy completely lead you astray. Where is your power?” she snapped.

“My power is right here in my heart. And you are right, I’m not doing anything that I don’t want to do. These are my choices and I don’t feel like being judged for them.”

“Well you are going to be judged, honey. You think Chris isn’t going to judge you?”

“He’s not going to find out.”

“Well, maybe not…but if he happens to be surprising you tonight by possibly showing up here at the house, then he probably will find out, Odette. And I don’t appreciate you putting me in awkward positions because of your indiscretions. Get that kid out of my house, now, and act like a lady.”

“Guys do this shit all the time!” I shouted into the phone. “Why do you have tell me to act like a lady, it is completely sexist of you! What do you want me to do? Should I stay in the kitchen and take care of the children and sit home and wait for my husband?”

“Well, yes, Odette, minus the kitchen part. You are a terrible cook. Also I’m sure Chris would do the same for you. Its not a male, female thing. It’s about respect and being strong.”

“Maybe my power is in the fact that I do what makes me happy instead of what makes everyone else happy.”

“I’m glad that you look out for yourself, but there is something sacred when it comes to trust. Loyalty is so underrated. You say no to infidelity, my dear, because loyalty is worth more than a good shag…I suppose.”

“Chris is coming to the house tonight?

“It was going to be a surprise.”

“Wow. Any other day or time or second I would totally be excited. I’ll clean up the house.”

The doorbell rang and I got up to go and answer it. I had a picture in my head of the whole band being there and then Jake walking out of the bathroom. I peeked out of the peephole and it was a delivery-guy holding tulips. I opened the door and took the flowers from him and opened the card. It was from Chris.

In Odette’s Room

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The sky was getting darker. I sat on my bed next to a sleeping Jake, hugged my knees to my chest, and watched the clouds turn pink and gold.

He opened his eyes and looked at me, then sat up a little, resting his head on the absurdly-large collection of pillows on the bed. “I don’t want to waste my brief time with you sleeping,” he said and rubbed his shoulder like it was sore.

“How are you feeling?”

“OK” he said… “good”. He smiled and took my hand.

I looked at our fingers knotted together and kind of felt like a teenager. “What happened out there in the ocean?” I said.

“I’m kind of thinking I must have died and gone to heaven”. He grinned at me and kissed the back of my hand while looking up at me.

I shook my head and smiled, feeling oddly shy.

“I don’t know. I just couldn’t find the surface” He rubbed his forehead. “I told myself if I made it out of there alive I would call my mom”.

I grabbed my phone from my bedside table and handed it to him. He shook his head. “Just call her” I said.

“I don’t know if I remember her number and my phone is in my truck”

“Try.”

He touched my phone to his head, as if he could transfer the number from his brain to the phone. Then he dialed and held it to his ear.

“Hi Mom. It’s a friend’s phone. Hey, I just wanted to tell you I love you. No, nothing’s wrong. Yes, I am OK. What? You don’t need to come and see me. I said I’m fine! Mom, I’m not even in town right now. Well, maybe next weekend. Ok, ok, ok, bye.” He looked at me. “I totally freaked her out.”

“That was really nice that you called her.” I said.

He gave my phone back to me and kissed the back of my hand again. Then he looked at his arm and laughed. “What did you do to my arm?”

“I bandaged it up while you slept.”

“I look like a mummy! Maybe I am dead.”

“You should have seen your arm before.”

“I did! I used to get torn up like that all the time when I was a kid and skateboarded on concrete ramps at the park near my house.” Jake suddenly leaned forward and tugged me up closer to him. “What do you want to do now? We could got and pitch my tent over at Anastasia Beach.”

“Um…I don’t know about that.”

“Can we stay here?”

“Maybe.”

“You are so beautiful” he said. “Have I told you that before?”

“I don’t think so.” I was a little stunned at his sudden, niceness. It was unsettling.

He looked at he mosquito net hanging over my bed and picked it up then let it float down. “What the hell is this?” he said.

I laughed. “Luna’s decorations”

“And these?” he picked up the pink pillows and whacked me with one of them. “It’s like a bed for Sleeping Beauty in here. Does she know you’re not eight?”

“I’m not sure. But I thought this bed was more like Princess and the Pea” I said, grabbing the pillow out of his hand as he tried to whack me in the head with it. “Do you know that one?”

He shook his head.

I hugged the pink pillow. “Well this prince wants to find a REAL princess, so he searches far and wide but they are all too tall or too skinny or too happy or too sad…it’s awful really. So, one night this girl shows up at his castle in the middle of a storm and she is soaking wet and all she can say is, “I am a REAL princess.” So after they get her all dried up and warm the Queen plays a trick on her. She sticks a dried pea under 20 mattresses and 20 feather beds and puts the girl to bed there. Then in the morning the girl wakes up all bruised up from feeling the hard little pea through all the mattresses and featherbeds, and so the queen knows the girl must be princess-enough to marry her son. You see, only a REAL princess could be sensitive enough to feel a pea through all of that fluff.”

“That’s a weird story” he said. “Why would anyone want to be with a girl who could get bruised by a pea? Sounds like she needs a blood transfusion or something.”

“I really don’t know” I laughed.

“Hm, do you think you are a REAL princess?”

“Most definitely not” I said. “It seems I don’t feel anything these days, except when you are around. Then I feel too much.”

“Why do you feel too much?” His eyes shined as he looked at me, grinning that irresistible grin.

“Well,” I said, he kissed me and I almost forgot what I was going to say. “Each day, with all the responsibilities, everything just glides by effortlessly slipping away to be stored in, well, no memory, anywhere. But when you’re are here, every second is like a swollen pocket of time, filled with energy and excitement. But the bad part is that each one is so full, they could, well, explode.”

“Damn English major,” he said. “Your kind always says such weird shit. Sorry though, I would hate to make your time-pocket’s explode.” He broke out into a big grin.

I leaned against his chest and he hugged me from behind with both arms. “This is better than I imagined,” he said squeezing me gently. “Know anymore fairytales?”

“My mom used to read me all these different versions of Swan Lake since she called me Odette and our last name is Swann. I would never do that to my kid. I’ve had to deal with that my whole life. So yes, that and many other fairytales.”

“I’ve never read Swan Lake”

“Well, there’s a white swan and a black swan in it, and I never knew which one I was supposed to be. When I was little I was sure it was the white one. Then as a teenager, I wasn’t so sure. When I met Chris and his last name was Silver, I realized if I married him it would make me the silver-swan.”

“OK,” he said. “So the reason you married Chris is because you liked his last name?”

“I just thought it was too much of a coincidence. It had to be meant-to-be.”

“And now?”

“I’m kind of messing up the fairytale” I said.

“Well what about me in all of this? Am I the villain or the prince?”

“Neither.” I said. “I think you are the dragon.”

“Well then, Odette, Silver-Swan, you most defintitly are the sword.” He tickled me so that I screamed-laughing and then he folded himself on top of me and wrapped his arms tightly around me again, kissing me like he was never going to let me go.

Jake Shows Up – by: Odette

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He threw his board down on the sand, his eyes blazing. I was a little taken back. He said, “How many boyfriends do you need, Odette?”
————————————————–

I woke up as the sun was just peeking over the horizon and threw on my white bikini, some comfy gray sweatpants and a wooly hat. I could hear Zoe playing with Luna in the living room and when I slid open the sliding-glass doors of my bedroom and stepped out in bare feet, the birds were singing their morning chorus against the wash of blue sky. I walked down the little path of stepping stones through dunes covered with prickly sand-spurs, tiny golden flowers and vines, and made my way to the soft, cold sand of the beach. I had told Jake not to come this morning, but I needed to go and check anyway.

The ocean was ragingly beautiful with the sun sparkling across the huge, green crashing waves. I hugged my cold-self and imagined how it would be right now if I hadn’t told him not to come. I imagined him walking up the beach towards me. Maybe Milo would be running up next to him. I imagined him picking me up and kissing me. My heart started to pound just from the thought.

I sighed, sat down in the sand and slowly traced his name with my finger in the tiny grains. I wondered where he really was, what he was doing right now, if he was thinking about me or if he hated me. But even now, even missing him like this, I knew I was doing the right thing. Chris wouldn’t give me any more chances at this point. I got up, scrubbed his name out with my foot and made my way back inside to join Luna and Zoe.

The rest of the day was busy with working and taking Zoe to her appointments. It warmed up nicely by the late afternoon, early evening, so when we got back I decided to go for a jog and swim. The tide was very strong, even in the shallow ocean. So I dove under and rinsed off quickly. I dried off with my orange towel, threw it in the sand and pulled on my warm sweatpants. I was surprised when Evan walked up. He pushed his glasses up his nose and said hi. I totally had forgotten I was supposed to meet him, and was glad I just happened to be out there when I said I would be.

“Hi” I leaned to the side and squeezed the salt water out of my hair and managed to also smile at him.

He didn’t look as comfortable out here on the beach as he did last night at the party stretched out on the couch with his wine and his smug smile. He said, “Um, I talked to my sister and she wants you to come by tomorrow to talk to her if you can.”

This was awesome. “Yay! thank you, thank you!” I clasped my hands and smiled happily at him.

“You know, Odette,” he said. I could tell by the tone of his voice that something uncomfortable was going to be said next. “I didn’t mean to be such a jerk last night.”

“What do you mean?” I mumbled, unenthused, putting my hands on my hips. It didn’t matter that he had a nice face and cute glasses….he was too annoying.

“Well, asking you what you were wearing to the beach. That was a totally lame thing to say and I’m not that kind of a guy and I was kicking myself all the rest of the night over it.”

“I don’t think I even thought about it for more than like, two seconds” I said, looking up at some seagulls flying overhead.

“But your face, you looked like you were utterly creeped out.”

“Well,” I looked right at him, “I figured you’d had a few glasses of wine and guys say stupid things when they’ve had a few,” I said. “Believe me, I’ve heard it all.”

“I’m sure you have” he said. He leaned in for an awkward hug. I kind of patted his back like he was a little boy and I swear he smelled my shoulder. I stepped back, wiping off his breath. Then he turned around and left. I bit my bottom lip and laughed. He was so weird.

Then I turned to pick up my towel from the sand, but stopped when I saw someone on the beach walking towards me and I totally froze. My heart started to pound rapidly, it was like everything I had imagined this morning, at least the first part, was coming true.

Jake looked exactly how I had pictured…shirt off, holding his board, and I could barely breath with excitement and sorrow. He looked angry. I wanted to run towards him and just hold him but I knew I couldn’t. And damn it he shouldn’t be here because there was no way I was ever, ever going to get over him if he kept coming to me. I watched him walk slowly towards me, then he stopped right in front of me. He threw his board down on the sand, his eyes blazing. I was a little taken back. He said, “How many boyfriends do you need, Odette?”

I was confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m gong to tell Chris. I’m going to tell him that now you are fucking some nerd at the beach.”

I was horrified, then I suddenly realized he was talking about Evan. He must have seen us talking then that ridiculous hug at the end. “What are you talking about?” I laughed. “That’s crazy.” He didn’t flinch. He still looked furious and I realized he really and truly thought that I was messing around with Evan.

Then it was my turn to be angry. All the emotions that I had been suppressing came crashing into my chest. I stepped forward like I was going to tackle him or something and said clearly, “I’m not doing anything wrong. I can actually do whatever I want. Chris and I are separated and you and I…” I put my hand on my heart, “are nothing. We are nothing. So why are you here yelling at me? You have no right to even talk to me.”

He rubbed his nose and looked up at me. I was probably shaking with anger. Then his face softened and he looked so conflicted. As he looked right at my eyes I realized he was probably going to kiss me and I could have turned and walked off and ended it right there. But I let him take my arm and pull me in. I seemed to fit perfectly against this chest with his arms wrapped around me. I kissed him back and suddenly dissolved into crying over him, I didn’t want to let him go. He pulled away and looked at my tears then smoothed my hair back out of my face. He looked really happy. Then he hugged me again and I saw Evan out of the corner of my eye, watching from Luna’s porch. This was no good. Chris didn’t need to find out about this and Evan was not a person to be trusted. I didn’t want to ever leave Jake’s arms but I pulled away from him and picked up my sandy towel. I shook it on his feet to piss him off then walked off. I needed Chris, not this.

He said, “Odette, don’t….don’t go.”

He pretty much ripped my heart out right then on the beach. All I wanted to do was run back to him and tell him it was OK and that I needed him to be truly happy. But instead I grasped onto doing what was right and screamed at him to go. I don’t remember what I said but the words came tumbling out of my mouth then he picked up his board and was gone.

I just ran to the porch, and as I was about to brush past Evan, (who was gaping at me), and throw open the sliding doors to go inside, I turned to see Jake heading into the huge waves with his board.

Self Control – by: Chris

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  “Last night I met a girl with huge green eyes and a crooked tooth that I couldn’t stop staring at. Dave noticed her first and asked me to play wing-man but he quickly lost interest when he met her friend.”
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My friends Jim and Linda are giving away their old cat and getting a new little puppy to “recharge their relationship”. This has bugged me incessantly. It has been on my mind while we drive from city to city. I can’t seem to shake it.

I tried to reach Odette but she wasn’t answering her phone. Luna told me that she has been more social lately and much happier too. I wondered if our sojourn in New York was the cause and frowned when it suddenly hit me that Jim and Linda’s dog was a bit like our trip to NY. Something temporarily wonderful meant to change the course of ones life but would soon fade with all of the other memories of happier times. What was going to happy once Odette forgot about New York? What will happen when we are back in Athens and a new Jake moves in down the street? Will her head forever be turned by something shiny and new? Or, god forbid, the old Jake keeps renting that house and Odette and he keep seeing one another? Will she grow tired of him eventually? Is part of the thrill just that he is something different or does she really love him? And what kind of person can’t control her impulses? Odette acts as if having an affair was another bad decision that should be ignored the way we never talked about that horrible pixie cut she got shortly after Zoe was born.

Last night I met a girl with huge green eyes and a crooked tooth that I couldn’t stop staring at. Dave noticed her first and asked me to play wing-man but he quickly lost interest when he met her friend; a smoking hot brunette that presently is sleeping next to Dave, though God knows how the way he is snoring. Annie told me that it happens all the time – her golden hair and green eyes brings them over and then Maya’s cleavage lures them in. I bought her a beer and we talked for hours. I found myself telling Annie things that I used to only share with Odette and for the first time I though that maybe I would be o.k. if Odette did go off with some other guy. If it were not Odette that night at the party so long ago, would I be just as happy spending my life with someone else; someone like Annie? I tried to imagine kissing Annie and how it would feel to have my tongue trace that deliciously crooked tooth and I found that I didn’t hate the idea; didn’t feel guilty at all. As if she sensed what I was thinking, Annie suddenly leaned over and kissed me and I immediately jumped up spilling my beer down the front of her shirt. She started yelling at me, the bartender looked pissed and Dave was nowhere to be found. All I wanted to do is go home. All I wanted was to call Odette.

We will be back in Georgia in a few days but I have decided to surprise Odette and go straight to Florida. Our manager got us a gig in St. Augustine and I talked Luna into having a party and letting all the guys crash on the beach in front of her house. Not that it took much convincing, Luna is a born entertainer. I can’t wait to hold Odette on the beach and play with Zoe in the sand dunes. I just thought of the perfect surprise for Zoe too; a sweet old cat who definitely needs a happy home.

Reflection

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I pulled Zoe’s soft little curls into pigtails and tied blue ribbons into perfect bows around each elastic. I turned her around and looked in her big brown eyes, she gazed off somewhere else. I had been paranoid about her being hurt when she was in the car with Chris when his “foot slipped” and he hit Jake’s truck.

“Are you OK?” I said. “Do you have any owies? We are going to see the doctor to make sure you are doing OK.”

She chewed on her pacifier like it was gum.

I  tried again, making sure it wasn’t a ‘wh’ question. “Zoe, touch the owie.”

She reached forward and pressed my heart with her hand. I couldn’t help but scoop her up and hold her tightly. I carried her out to the car in the driveway, getting wet along the way. But I was glad for the gray of the rain and the splashing on the windshield that dulled the thoughts that wouldn’t stop. It seemed perfect to just wash everything away. I couldn’t even drive past his house. Instead I drove the other way down the street, even though it was completely out of the way.

I turned on the radio and on NPR they were talking about religion. The main topic was self-forgiveness. I figured I wasn’t quite at that point yet, since I wasn’t ready to give up what I would need to be forgiven for.  In fact, I had pretty much alienated everyone who cared about me except for Zoe. I couldn’t think of anyone who wasn’t utterly disappointed with me.  So I pulled over on the the side of the road in the parking lane under a bridge, got out my phone and called my mom.

“Hey mom.”

She said, “You sound defeated.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s wrong, Love?”

“I don’t know what’s going on, I just, I’m having trouble doing the right thing these days.”

“Well, why?”

“I don’t know. I just always have this feeling like I want more. And I don’t even know what that is. I can’t just be happy with what I’ve got, Mom. And it is so stupid because some people don’t even have a roof over their heads or enough to eat, and all I can focus on is myself. I should just be a good mom and wife and not be so selfish I know. But it doesn’t matter knowing what is right, when you don’t listen to that part of yourself.”

“Well honey, you need to get your power back. Instead of living inside your head all the time like you do far too much, Odette, loose yourself in the successes you have already built. What about Chris, how are things with him?”

“They are not so good.”

“But he’s such a nice guy. You need to take care of that relationship. Isn’t that what you want?”

“Does anybody know what they want?”

“I think so.”

“Mom, I’m going to be 30″

“I know, what do you want for your birthday?”

“Mom, I don’t mind getting older, but it is that romance of youth that I miss. I don’t mind leaving all the other parts of youth behind, but to abandon romance seems unbearable.”

“Oh, lord, When you are 60 you are going to be kicking  yourself for not appreciating 30. And Odette, isn’t Chris romantic?”

“Sometimes….sporadically. But, there is something about someone who can’t help but be romantic even if it goes against every fiber in his body.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean like…” I tried to think of a character she would know…”James Dean.”

“Well James Dean was very fetching, but don’t you find romance in what a good father Chris is and how well he takes care of you when you aren’t feeling well? A “bad boy” would abandon you in the times that you need him because, well they are always putting themselves first. There is nothing romantic about being abandoned.”

“Thats for sure” I said. “But then, mom, what if they have been horrible and you just want them to be nice again….like before they were horrible?”

“Who are you talking about honey? Is there someone in your life besides Chris?”

“No….um…no. I was thinking about myself. I have been horrible to Chris and maybe he just still wants me around because he is yearning to get me back to when I was really into him. No one likes to loose that…that glow that you once had in someone’s heart.

“Well, honey, it is hard for me to help you when you are talking in such broad terms, but I can tell you this. If you miss romance, then you need to tell that to Chris. He may surprise you.”

“Ok , mom”

“Ok, Love. Take care and give Zoe a kiss for me. Oh and Odette, sometimes you just have to do the right thing even when it goes against, what did you say?.. every fiber in your body.”

“Ok, bye Mom.” I looked up to pull back out into the road and a black truck with a large dent in the back drove by. I took a breath and waited for a couple more minutes for a few more cars to go by, then pulled back out into the rain. I would see Chris at lunchtime, and then I would do the right thing, no matter what.

After The Stadium – By: Chris

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After the stadium I needed to go and calm down somewhere. It would be time to pick up Zoe soon. I didn’t want to see Odette, I didn’t really want to see anyone. I just needed to get my head together. I was even too angry to drive. I understood now what blind with rage meant. So I decided to run for a while. I ran down to the track on campus. The methodical thudding on the clay was soothing, and when I thought I was going to throw up I slowed down and bent over to catch my breath. I watched in surprise as my sweat dripped onto my sneakers.

I needed to go and get Zoe but I wasn’t going all the way back to the shop to get the van so I pulled my phone out and called Dave. He got there fast and when I climbed in and slammed the door to his VW he opened up his window.

“You wreak dude.”

“I’ve been running”

“I see that.” He pulled on his beard. He does that when he is troubled about something. “So, how’d it go with Odette?”

I looked down at my hands. I was embarrassed. “Odette wasn’t there. She sent that dork instead,” I mumbled.

“What do you mean? Dave slammed the steering wheel with his hand. ,”She wasn’t there? You wrote her a fucking love letter. You forgave her. Where the hell was she?”

“I don’t know.” I turned my wedding ring round and round on my finger, it slid well over the sweat. “That piece of shit boyfriend of hers said that she sent him to tell me that it’s over. I guess it makes sense, Odette hates conflict.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I know that Dave was speechless. He kept randomly shaking his head and muttering, “unbelievable” as he drove.

I said, “Yet, I can’t help but think there was something not right about it. Odette isn’t cruel.”

“Whatever dude. Did you finally beat that guy to a pulp?”

“No. I thought about it. I almost fucking killed him.” I pictured that moment when I seriously thought about how nicely Jake would go over the stadium wall. He wasn’t worth it though, not even close.

“I went to the stadium early.” I said. ” I even brought lilies.” I looked over at Dave. “They are still there under the bleachers if you want to go and get them for Megan, later.” Dave didn’t smile.

I looked out of the passenger-side window and watched the trees go by along the side of the road.

“How long did you wait there before Jake showed up?” Dave said.

“I was sitting there ten, fifteen minutes maybe, thinking about how much I love our life. You know, almost everything good that has happened to me in the past 10 years or so, happened with Odette. Sure, we had our record deal before I met her, but when I think of happiness, when I think of really being happy, all I can see is her smiling face.” I looked back over at Dave who was pulling on his beard again.

“I don’t want this to be over.” I said. “But I don’t know what to do. She’s got me backed into a corner.” We got closer to Zoe’s school and I thought about how nice it was going to be to see her in her little yellow dress when her teachers brought her out with the rest of her class. The thought of her made me smile. I got a bit choked up. Thank god I had her.

“I remember when Odette told me that we were going to have a baby. I was so freaked out I wanted to puke. I mean, how could I be a Dad? Would I still be able to be me? Then I looked at Odette, looking at me, and I just broke down. She was so damn calm. It was like she knew everything was going to be o.k.. We were going to be three.”

We pulled into the pick-up line and Dave looked over at me.”Where to after we pick her up?”

“How about ice-cream for Zoe, well, rice milk ice-cream with organic sprinkles and coconut whip cream.”

Dave nodded. “Sure dude,” he said. Then he rubbed his furrowed brow, he looked confused. “So have you heard from Odette at all this morning then?”

“She sent me a text; something about her looking for the kitten. That really sounds like her. She is in a hurry to get somewhere and then gets totally distracted by a lost kitten. Could it have been an excuse? That kid goes to the University, maybe he just happened to come by the stadium and saw me there?

Dave shook his head. “Don’t you be an asshole. That guy knew what he was doing. He obviously came looking for you. Who else could have told him you guys were supposed to meet there, besides Odette?”

“Yeah, but maybe Odette didn’t send him. She seriously could have run into him on the way to the stadium.” I buried my head in my hands and squeezed my hair. My head was starting to throb. “Damn. I just don’t know what to think.”

“Hey, it’s going to be o.k.” Dave said. I could tell by his voice that he was starting to worry about me. “Why don’t we go to the cabin for the weekend with the band? We’ll get some practice in. I’ll bring Megan and Liza, and you can bring Zoe too, she’ll love it.”

“And let that punk fuck my wife in my bed?”

There was honestly no worse thought to me in the world. If I saw him again, I know I wouldn’t be able to restrain myself… I know this time I would tear into him, no holding back.

I nodded, “Yeah, maybe it is a good idea. I know I can’t see Odette right now. I don’t even want to look at her. Will you call her and tell her? I think I’ll start fucking crying or yelling if I do. Look there is Zoe, pull up a little bit so her teacher can bring her right to the car.  I’ll tell her she’s going camping at the cabin. I know a great campfire story about a real monster named Jake who eats little girls with blonde curls……”