Learning New Colors

I think that when he turned on the music and suddenly some guy, I’m guessing his roommate, left the house without acknowledging me and with the door banging behind him, I realized what was going to happen and I started to reevaluate things.

What if this kid was stupid and not worth my time? He came out with a little pipe in one hand and a bottle of gin in the other. Ok. This was not what I was good at but it was different from usual and I could give it a try.

“You’ll need to put lots of tonic in the gin for me to be able to drink it” I said, starting to feel a bit worried that there was no where to put anything except for on the floor and I was sunk in his couch cushions like I was drowning.

“Here, come in my room because I have a table in there.”

I hesitated. I mean, what if he was some psycho and I here I was thinking I was the one in control, but maybe he was. This made me grumpy and the Bob Marley was something I only listened to at the beach so that was starting to make me grumpy too. I looked at the door, then back at him. He squinted at me and said, “What music do you like?”

“Oh you wouldn’t like it” I said. “It is some group from the 80’s called, New Order.”

He said, “come here” and walked back to his room. I heard Bob Marley stop and Bizarre Love Triangle started to thud though the house from his room…instant joy. I used my jogging leg muscles to get up from the couch and I headed over to the music and stood in the doorway of his bedroom, still holding the ice-sock to my head. He had put the gin, tonic and weed on his computer desk, on top of massive text books. There were 5 different types of Rubix Cubes stacked in a tower next to his computer. One was made up of all silver stickers. I picked it up and studied it with interest then put it back carefully on top of the tower. His bed was large and tidy with a boring navy comforter stretched over some pillows. There was an actual mini-fridge next to his bed, doubling as a bedside table, and some phone chargers scattered over it along with what I suspected was a retainer case.

He pushed his rolling computer chair towards me and I sat on it while he poured the drinks. “Lots of tonic” I reminded him. “I don’t really like the taste of alcohol” His lips turned up at the corners and I wondered what he thought of me. I had no idea of what guys thought of me these days. I knew that I was still said hello to on every aisle of the grocery store by random people, but I never knew if that was just because Zoe was so damn cute. I also didn’t know what my perceived personality was anymore. I knew I used to be what my old boyfriend described as witty. But now I got the sense that I was just a pain in the ass.

I had a few sips of the drink with my free hand and it was strong. I sighed. He couldn’t even get the drink right. He did get my expression right though because he took it out of my hand and put more tonic in it and then handed it back to me. That made me feel more relaxed. I like it when guys figure shit out and then do something about it.

Is it lazy if I don’t want to write what happened next? It feels like it needs to be just for me.

I’ll tell a little more. I told him I liked the new Taylor Swift album because it was all folk songs and then that was immediately playing. It was actually a little test because most guys don’t like Taylor Swift. But he was making it clear that whatever was happening right now was all about me. That was a familiar feeling from a long time ago.

I feel like this is all pouring out of me. I’m currently sitting on my bed with my laptop and my mask on. I wear it whenever I feel guilty. It is 1pm and I had to check to see what day it is (Wednesday) as days, moments, feelings are all still running together these days. Zoe is watching, Sofia The First, I can see her little head on the couch from my doorway. Chris is at band practice. I’ll finish this later. I’m feeling like such an insane, pitiful excuse for a human being.

Published by Emmerson Grace H.

Writer for Odette on www.ungratefulbliss.com (Wordpress blog) BA in fiction writing Mom of 3 with an amazing husband. We play lots of music, dance every day and read tons of books. Writing Inspiration: The skateboarders of my teens, the artists & traveling adventure-seekers of my 20's and the musicians of my 30's. (My 7-year-old son thinks I should add that I am not actually blue...that's just filter effects and the light from the computer screen. And my husband says I look like I am from Avatar or from Nabu. But...oh well.)

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