Learning New Colors

I realized what was going to happen if it let it, and I started to reevaluate things.

What if this kid was stupid and not worth my time? He reappeared with a little pipe in one hand and a bottle of gin in the other. Ok. This was not what I was good at but it was different from the boring usual day of life, and I was more than ready to give it a try.

“You’ll need to put lots of tonic in the gin for me to be able to drink it” I said, starting to feel a bit worried that there was no where to put anything except for on the floor and I was sunk in his couch cushions like I was drowning.

“Here, come in my room because I have a table in there.”

I hesitated. I mean, what if he was some psycho and here I was thinking I was the one in control, but maybe he was. This made me grumpy. I looked over at the front door, then back at him standing there in front of me. He squinted at me and said, “What music do you like?”

“Oh you wouldn’t like it” I said. “It is some group from the 80’s called, New Order.”

He said, “come here” and turned and walked back to his room. I heard Bizarre Love Triangle start to thud through the house from his room…instant joy. I used my jogging leg muscles to get up from the couch and I headed over to the music and leaned against the doorway of his bedroom, still holding the ice-sock to my head. He had placed the gin, tonic and weed on top of massive text books that were on his computer desk. There were 5 different types of Rubix Cubes stacked in a tower next to his computer. One was made up of all silver stickers. I picked it up and studied it with interest. How do you use a Rubix Cube when the stickers are all the same color? I didn’t ask. I put it back carefully on top of the tower. His bed was large and tidy with a standard navy comforter stretched over some pillows. There was an actual mini-fridge next to his bed, doubling as a bedside table, and some phone chargers scattered over it along with what I suspected was a retainer case.

He pushed his rolling computer chair towards me and I came inside his room and sat on it while he poured the drinks. “Lots of tonic” I reminded him. “I don’t really like the taste of alcohol” His lips turned up at the corners and I wondered what he thought of me. I had no idea of what guys thought of me these days. I knew that I was still said hello to on every aisle of the grocery store by random people, but I never knew if that was just because Zoe was so damn cute. I also didn’t know what my perceived personality was anymore. I knew I used to be what my old boyfriend described as witty. But now I got the sense that I was just a pain in the ass.

I had a few sips of the drink with my free hand and it was strong. I sighed. He couldn’t even get the drink right. He did get my expression right though because he took it out of my hand and put more tonic in it and then handed it back to me. That made me feel more relaxed. I like it when guys figure shit out and then do something about it. I wasn’t sure where to put my ice sock. Would it be rude or gross to put it on his desk? He seemed to read my mind and just took it out of my hand and put it somewhere…I don’t even know where.

Is it lazy if I don’t want to write what happened next? It feels like it needs to be just for me.

I’ll tell a little more. I told him I liked the new Taylor Swift album because it was all folk songs and then that was immediately playing. It was actually a little test because most guys don’t like Taylor Swift. But he was making it clear that whatever was happening right now was all about me. That was a familiar feeling from a long time ago.

I feel like this is all pouring out of me. I’m currently sitting on my bed with my laptop. It is 1pm and I had to check to see what day it is (Wednesday) as days, moments, feelings are all still running together these days. Zoe is watching, Dinosaur Train. I can see her little head on the couch from my doorway. Chris is at band practice. I’ll finish this later. Oh and if you are wondering, I didn’t know his name until I inquired while leaving his house in a bit of a daze. He in turn got my name. He also asked me when I was going to come back as I gently closed his front screen-door behind me and made my way down his front porch steps. I just laughed. Good God it was fun. And all these new emotions are drowning out the other ones that have been way too loud this past year. I am telling myself that is a good thing. Let’s go with that for now.

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