Jake was in his hammock in his front yard again this morning. When I came back from dropping Zoe off at camp I just waved at him as I drove by. I know he wanted me to stop because he started to get up when he saw my van but then just watched me drive by with his feet on the ground. I didn’t have any makeup on this morning so there was no way I was going to stop and say hello.
I promised a few days ago to tell you what happened between Jake and I so here is a quick summery: So when he hit me in the head with the stick it actually cut my head above my eye and there was kind of a lot of blood. It hurt really badly too. He helped me inside so he could clean it up and I was pretty happy about that because Chris and I had just been in a fight. Well, not really a fight but he just was playing video games as usual and I was feeling ignored and he was just tired of me. I was tired of being tired-of…if that makes any sense. So when Jake brought me inside his dank dark house I didn’t feel guilty. He is a video game player though too. There were lots of joy sticks or whatever they call those things all over the floor, and chips on the floor that his dog started to eat. The couch he sat me on was dark so I was worried about what I was going to sit on. Some magazines fell on the floor and I was careful not to look at the titles.
He is really, really good looking. His house was grimy but he was so clean it was shocking. His teeth looked liked he had just gotten his braces off and he even smelled like aftershave. I didn’t even know that guys still used aftershave these days. He didn’t look overly-pruned though. His hair was short but he didn’t have gel in it and his fingernails were clean but not girly or long. He was pretty much perfect, like someone created him for me, sketched out the guy I could not resist, except he’s a bit young. I think he is only about 22, ugh. The most amazing thing were his eyes, light green with dark eyebrows and lashes looking amazing with his dark short hair. When he brought me a drink…yes a drink I know that is cheesy but that is where it went…he held my gaze like he knew exactly what thoughts were going on in my head and it was embarrassing and exhilarating. And then he kissed me I was a little freaked out. How did he know he could just kiss me? That confidence is mind-blowing. Did he do that to girls all the time? Was I just another conquest to check off his list? I decided though, in that second, that I was the adult here and if he was going to use me, well, I was going to go ahead and use him right back. There is a lot more to this. How much do I share? Everything? The past couple of nights, when I have no one to talk about the anniversary of my sister’s death coming up, I think about talking to him about it. I imagine lying in his arms, telling him what I can’t tell anyone else and he listens, he says all the right things and is amazing. The problem is that he could never live up to my fantasies. I have a feeling the reality would be much, much worse. But what if it isn’t?