I think I have been over-reacting about the Autism thing. Zoe probably is fine. I made her a doctor appointment anyway though…just incase. Her Summer Camp/ Montessori School Teacher, Miss Jada told me yesterday that I should get Zoe “evaluated”. That was a great conversation. I cried. But now I am feeling better today. We are going to have a good holiday and I’m making a picnic.
Jake was out there on his hammock again this morning. He has been out there every morning for the past few days, right at 8am when I take Zoe to camp. I know college kids are typically not morning people. It wasn’t’ that long ago that I was in college. Zoe didn’t actually have camp this morning but I went out in the car to get milk from the grocery store, and there he was, leg dangling over the side. Doesn’t he know there is no summer camp on the 4th of July? Or maybe this whole hammock-front lawn business is not for my benefit. Maybe he actually does like to sit out there on display in his front yard, reading his textbooks at 8am. I didn’t stop to talk to him. I feel kind of bad about that since he sits up in his hammock and looks at me when I drive by. After talking to him last week under the street lamp I feel almost obligated to stop, but I’m so nervous to do that. I never think I look cute enough. I think about him a lot during the day though. When I am putting the boring laundry away and dancing to music, I think about what I will say next time I talk to him. I also think about my family, and how much they mean to me and how I can’t mess things up. I made a marriage vow that I fully intended to keep only 3 years ago. I mean, I guess I broke it but I still love Chris. I think I do. I don’t think he likes me very much these days though.
I miss how much fun we used to have. In California it was like a slumber party every night and we would laugh, and then the next day we’d drive way out to Point Reyes National Seashore on the fault line and look over the cliffs for whales in the mist. He seems to have given up on me. I’m not trying very hard now either, especially now that I have someone else filling my thoughts.
We are going to see the fireworks on campus tonight. We didn’t go last year because Zoe was so little and she doesn’t like loud noises. I ordered some sound-cancelling headphones for her, so if she keeps them on it might be a fun family outing. I am putting together a lovely picnic this afternoon, new red and white gingham picnic blanket and all. I made some of these for our living room, for when our friends come over before we head over to the fireworks. It is going to be a good day.