autism, grief, sisters, Uncategorized

Drizzling Fireworks

I mostly just hung out with Zoe as the fireworks exploded all around our heads. She did well with the noise-cancelling headphones on and sat in my lap and played with my phone.

Since the show was on campus there were a lot of students there and I found myself scanning the place for Jake.  I thought I saw him a few times from the back, then the side. But it wasn’t him. I slurped on watermelon and munched on a cheese and tomato sandwich that I shared with Zoe and we simply sat quietly on the new red and white gingham cloth. Chris had a really good time talking with his friends. His bandmates were there and they were all attracting attention from some of the students who know some of their songs that made the charts 10 years ago when he was only a teenager. Chris loves that. We packed up the stroller quickly when it started drizzling and the fireworks abruptly stopped.

I suppose I enjoyed my quiet-loud time with Zoe. She even pointed at the fireworks. I think she was mimicking my pointing, but still, she pointed and I read that kids with Autism don’t point. I was a little melancholy, but lovin on my beautiful baby girl. Tomorrow will be a year since we lost Meliah. My heart just aches for her. Everything seems like it is in slow motion…like one of those dreams where you can’t run fast no matter how hard you try. I will just get through tomorrow by trying not to think about it.

Today I am not going to do much because I don’t feel like. it. Maybe I will take an Ativan to give my heartache a four-hour rest break. Chris will be working at the music shop all day. I’m supposed to write some “peppy” marketing stuff for a social media website.