“The leaves on the trees are so beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“No, it’s just the whisky,” he murmured, pulling me closer.
“No. It’s super amazingly beautiful,” I said looking up into the oaks of McCarren Park, feeling sky high while we lay in the grass. I twisted his hair between my fingers.
We must have fallen asleep. When we woke, I pulled the twigs out of my hair and shook the grass off my skirt.
As we started walking toward my apartment, I looked at my watch and it was nine in the morning. How did that happen?
I have no thoughts as I walk up the stairs alone. I feel blank. I walk through the door and set my bag down quietly. I grab a glass from the sink and fill it with water as quietly as someone could do when they are sneaking into their apartment absorbed in dread. I fumble through the junk drawer, pop an Advil, and take a sip.
I hear Jonathan in the shower so I speedily slide off my skirt and pull my tank top over my head. I dig deep in my drawer and slip on the softly faded Joy Division t-shirt. I dive under the sheets, close my eyes, and hold my breath.
The water stops and so does my heart.