When I opened my eyes this morning I realized I would be able to get out of bed today. I sat up feeling a strange elation and the sun was flashing through my window like a beacon.
Then the guilt of everything I had abandoned over the past few days washed over me. But I happily pushed it aside and looked around my room. I was shocked to see potato chip crumbs on the comforter and clothes laying around the wood floors in colorful hills. I hopped out of bed and ran through the house to the cupboard under the kitchen sink and grabbed a garbage bag. I hurried past the living room where Chris lay asleep on the couch and back to our bedroom, grabbing a laundry basket along the way.
Back in my room I swept around like Cinderella. I opened a window so I could hear the birds chirping outside and whisked the garbage into the trash bags and the laundry into the laundry basket. I was horrified to see my chocolate wrappers on the floor and a half eaten Cliff Bar under a damp towel on the floor. But I didn’t dwell on anything and within minutes the room was looking bright and clean. I came back with a mop and paper towels and cleaners and scrubbed until my bedroom gleamed. I looked out of the windows…flowers, all it needed now was flowers. I ran into the front garden and picked some wild flowers that were growing up the side of the fence, then I hurried in, banging the screen door behind me and found a cute little white vase from Ikea in the kitchen. I filled it with water and plunked the flowers in. It was perfect.
Chris sat up on the couch as I hurried past him to our bedroom.
“Feeling better this morning?”
I looked over at him, holding my flowers, and we smiled at each other. He rubbed his eyes and I went to find the perfect spot for the vase. Then I sat on my bed to look at how the flowers brightened the room and was shocked at the tears running down my face. Where were these coming from? I thought of laying in bed for hours, ignoring Zoe, calling Chris to come and make her lunch, sitting in a storm on the beach then ignoring Chris on the way home. Why did I do that, why? Then the disgust of my betrayal to Chris set in and I realized I could slip back into that dank hole I had been living in for the past few days. I decided I didn’t want that.
I wiped the tears and looked up to see Chris standing at the doorway.
“What can I do?” he said, looking a little frightened.
“I don’t know, Chris. I don’t know. I have energy though, so I want to get the house in order first thing.”
“OK. I’ll make breakfast for when Zoe gets up.”
I thought about how one of his amazing breakfasts would mess up the kitchen. “Just cereal!” I called out to him.
“Cereal, check,” he said.