“Oh my God, did you really just say that?”
Jake leaned against the wall, grinning at me as I held my front door open and gaped at him.
“What? ‘I think you should leave your husband,’ is a perfectly valid conclusion to come to. He doesn’t make you happy, so be happy and be on your own.”
“You are not even going to offer to pick up the slack once I kick him to the curb? How can you stand there and tell me to leave my husband and then say that is it is so I can be ALONE and not even with you?”
“Well of course you would be with me. I just didn’t want to scare you off.”
I looked at him inquisitively as he stood at my front door. I wasn’t going to let him in. Things had been good between Chris and I, finally. Now here was my solution-to-the problem, turned problem, standing right in front of me, and he was so cute. I was now remembering why I risked everything to loose myself in Jake.
“You are crazy, why are you even here?”
He frowned. It was unlike me to be so rude. He didn’t like this. Was he still going to be nice?
“I took a risk coming here, saying that.” he said.
“What kind of a risk? A risk of getting your ass kicked by my husband?”
“An emotional risk.” he said. “Do you not even care that I like you, a lot and think about you all the fucking time?”
“I’m NOT available” I said.
He looked right into me with his amazing green eyes and cut them at me. “Not today. And how was I supposed to know that? You should have a Chris meter at the door that goes from red to green.” He was suddenly very animated, breathing faster, turning a little red and waving his hand in the air. “Red means you and Chris are doing well and to stay away. Green means that you and Chris are having a fight so you will shack up with the kid down the street.”
“Just go.” I yelled at him. “I don’t have to deal with this!” My heart was aching. This was too much, too true.
“Then come with me” he pleaded alarmingly, suddenly turning calm. “Chris is at work. Come to my house. We can just talk, nothing else.”
I had never seen him let his guard down like this. It was embarrassing. I felt like if I shot him down now, that this was it. Maybe that would be good. I considered taking the opportunity, being rid of him forever with one more scathing remark. But I stood there, quietly.
He waited for an answer.
“How can you tell me to leave my husband? Is this some kind of a joke?” I asked.
“I just wanted to get your attention. I just wanted you to realize what we have is real and that you have other options.”
“You are not an option, Jake.” I said. “You are a distraction.”
He pondered this. “Am I going to stay a distraction?” he asked.
I realized he was asking if we were breaking up in a weird way. ” I don’t know” I said.
“I’m here” he said. I wanted to hug him, to go with him, to make both of us feel better. But this time I was going to be strong, because for some reason I was able to be.
“Ok” I said and smiled at him.
Jake turned and walked back down my path, then I looked up to see Chris riding his bike down the street towards the house.