autism, cheating, Chris's posts, grief, love, relationships

All I Ever Wanted Was Odette – By Chris

Odette is screwing the kid down the street, Zoe has autism and I am getting gray-fuckin hairs. I do not actually know for sure that she is screwing him, but I know she wants to. We had not made love for months and then, one night, she suddenly leads me to the bedroom. I could tell right away that it wasn’t me she wanted. It wasn’t me she was thinking about when she closed her eyes. I didn’t care though. All I cared about was that Odette was finally letting me touch her, hold her, kiss her….”

Now, we are working together to help Zoe and things are supposedly “better”. Odette even held my hand the other day for no reason. Just like, she grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze as we were walking through the gluten free aisle at Whole Foods. So, why don’t I feel happy? Why do I still feel like I am walking on eggshells around her?

Odette apparently thinks that all those months when she just lied in her bed and cried and couldn’t get up and couldn’t care about Zoe, about me, that I just “took it like a champ”. If I didn’t have the guys in the band, at the music shop, I would have probably run off somewhere. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have taken Zoe and gone to my parents and let Odette just wallow. There is that girl at Starbucks….”

My band got back together. I am still not sure if it is a good idea. We are older now, tired. Does anyone really care what some 30 year old guys have to say? Do we even have anything to say? Alex said we have to get a “new look”. I wish I could just bang the drums and forget. Maybe James should be the singer; he always liked the attention more than I did. All I ever liked was Odette.

I am supposed to go to some autism parenting support group with Odette. Why does it feel like I am always supporting the women in my life? What are they going to do when I go on tour?

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