This weekend I took (my dog) Milo and met some guys out at Sebastian Inlet to go surfing. We got there at sunrise, prime feeding time for sharks so I wouldn’t let Milo in the water…which was pretty difficult since he is a surf lab. I had to keep him company on the sand. So we sat next to my board for a while staring at the water. I put an enormous towel that my mom got me before going to to school, around us. He was quite content with his tongue hanging out, as the sun threw golden ripples all over everything and while the air slowly warmed a little.
The other guys went out there before me and it was cool to sit there for a while watching them tear through the glassy waves. They are locals so watching them, I gained perspective of the best places the waves were breaking. So after digging into a Cliff Bar that I shared with Milo, I went gliding in and sat on top of the ocean.
I feel like I have been kind of an idiot this past week. I really messed with Odette’s life and it seemed like fun at the time. But now I am thinking that I should just hang out with the girls in our group of friends from school and leave Odette alone for a while. The problem is though, that when I was out there between sets and the whole world seemed to stop as I floated on the waves…waiting for them to start again, all I could think about was Odette. How beautiful she would think this place was. I couldn’t even look at a patch of sand without thinking about making out with her.
I don’t know if it is because she is so completely unavailable, or because she risks everything for me, or because she is so bizarrely blind to evil, but she feels like an angel to me. I can’t figure out if I want to protect her, or hurt her, fuck her or make love to her. I don’t know. I came out here to forget, or make some better decisions. But all I see when the light shines in a way that no human on earth should get to see, is her. And all I feel out here is that I miss her in a way that I shouldn’t be allowed to, because I haven’t earned it.