When my phone rang tonight and I saw it was Jake, I didn’t care that Chris was sitting on the couch across from me. I just got up and went out to the back yard and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hey….so, you know that I’m sorry eh?”
“I figured.”
“Can we talk about this in person?”
“No. When you ditched me 3 hours from home, you pretty much ditched anything we had between us, don’t you think?”
He was quiet. “I knew that you would have a ride home.” He said. “I never would have left you if your husband’s idiot friend wasn’t there too. I knew he would take you home. Anyway, I didn’t even know if my truck was safe to drive in after Chris crashed into it.”
“So you left me there for my own safety?” I laughed. “Yeah right.”
“Partially, yes. Also I was so pissed off, it wouldn’t have been a fun ride. I knew you would be better off riding with someone else. Listen, Odette. I didn’t mean to be an asshole. I just had to get out of there and I knew you were taken care of. I didn’t ‘ditch‘ you because I knew you had a ride. What would you have done in my place?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have punched anyone in the face to start with. Chris still looks awful and for me it is a constant reminder of you. Also, if I left you to ride with someone else, I probably would have arranged that first rather than just getting in my car and taking off.”
“But you can understand why I did what I did, right?”
“Yes, Jake. I understand. But it was just too much. The whole thing… it was like I was just going along with everything partially-willingly until I was ditched. I know you have your reasons for everything you did, but for me, it was pitiful. I don’t want to just go along with you against my better judgement. I don’t want to be that person, or feel like that again.”
“Well”, he said. How many times do you have to kick me to the curb for me to get it?”
That made me sad. He was finally giving up. “I don’t want to do that.” I said,. “Simply because of how you make me feel.” We were quiet for a few moments. “I hate letting that go.”
“Then don’t” he said.
“Chris and I are taking some time apart.”
“What does that mean? You don’t seem that together to me anyway.”
“He’s going on tour next week, so Zoe and I are going to St. Augustine Beach in Florida, to stay at my Aunt’s house.”
“How long?”
“A month” I said.He was quiet again.
“Maybe I can come and visit,” he said.
“No way.” I said. “This is my break from drama. I’m going there to relax.”
“Alright, whatever” he said, switching tones. “I tried, Odette, so just fuck it. Have a great life.” He hung up.I looked at my phone. Why did he do that, leave me with a heartache…leave me wanting to comfort him?
I sat on the swing and moved back and forth with my eyes closed. It would be OK in a few days. My heart hurt now. But it was nothing compared to when Meliah died and I am surviving that heartache…so I can survive this easily. I thought about how nice the beach would be with Zoe and cheered up a little. Everything was going to be OK. And Jake, he would have no shortage of distractions to get him over me…that was for sure.
Ungrateful Bliss 