I am sorry I have not been in touch with you. I am sure your Aunt told you that I called Zoe from the road while you were out, which is probably just as well.
Ever since I started suspecting you were fooling around with that college kid, I began to panic. I couldn’t imagine my life without you and I hated that you were now not only slipping away from me but towards someone else. I thought if I could only make you love me again then everything would be o.k.. I don’t think I even cared that you cheated on me and lied to me and quite frankly broke my heart. I just wanted you back. Our last night together, I thought that everything would finally be o.k.. I still smile at the memory of your drunken giggle in the restaurant and of our lingering kisses on the front porch like two teenagers frantically trying to hold onto the night before curfew comes crashing down. I loved waking up with my arms around you. I never loved you more then when you stumbled half-blind to the bathroom to search for the missing contact that was innocently lounging in the rumpled sheets. I loved you Odette and it wasn’t enough for you.
I saw your text messages to Jake. When you went to take a shower, you left your phone open and I saw them all. And, at first I thought “Damn, Chris you have to step up your game”. So, I made your eggs just the way you like them and I desperately kissed you hoping that it would be deserving of what I was feeling. And then I got into the van and pulled away and you didn’t wave goodbye. You turned and walked into the house as if I was just going to get a carton of milk for breakfast and not leaving for a month. And Odette, I got to San Francisco, and I finally got mad.
I am talking about punch a wall, scream out loud, pull my hair out kind of mad. Dave was so freaked out he made the bus pull over so I could “take a moment”. But, I need more than a minute, or ten minutes or even an hour. I need to tell you how angry I am at you. I need for you to know how utterly fucked up it was to sleep with another man and I need you to actually give a damn that you have caused such chaos and pain. I always knew that you were a narcissist. I used to think it was cute how you would automatically assume that every guy that talks to you wants you. (Granted, that was probably true 90% of the time but I still laugh when I think about how you thought that Tommy from Publix had a crush on you because he would make sure that the apples weren’t dented and all he really wanted was to get free tickets to our shows).
You have been wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself for way too long. Wake up, Odette. You are 29 years old. You are a Wife and a Mother. Yet, you have been carrying on like you are 17 years old and still the fucking prom queen. You hurt me Odette. Do you care? You are about to throw away our life, our family all because some loser student turned your head. Look, I am sorry I didn’t pay enough attention to you. But, don’t you dare blame your cheating on my actions. You weren’t always the best wife either and I never once cheated on you. Stand up and take accountability for your actions for once.
I still love you and want you and need you Odette. I promised to stand by you through better and worse and I will. But, will you? I am not going to chase you anymore. If you want me, you know where I am.
Tell Zoe to look out for some postcards. Please kiss her for me and tell her that I love her. I love you too, Odette. I will call you tomorrow so that we can talk.