Paparazzi Prom Queen Plan – by: Chris

“Uhm, are you listening? You seem so far away”. Disney was talking to me and I had no idea what she was saying. I honestly didn’t care but I did agree to this date and she was really sweet so for the rest of dinner I feigned interest all the while plotting my revenge on Jake.

Paparazzi Pic of Chris and the Disney Prom Queen

The Disney Prom Queen isn’t nearly as bad as I thought she would be. In fact, she is downright sweet and it sucks that her agent is making her promote a “wild side” that she clearly doesn’t possess. I am pretty sure she is still a virgin by the dopey things she keeps saying about whether we have to really do “it” to make people believe we are going out. It. What a powerful, tiny word. It destroyed my marriage, my trust, my whole world. It sucked my wife into a web of lies, deceits and I guess passion. So, why is it that if It is the real culprit, I can’t stop myself from thinking about HIM?

When I called to talk to Zoe earlier, Luna said that Odette went to the hospital to pick up Jake. Typical. Now, any joy I experienced at the thought of him sitting around awaiting a ride that would never come, has turned to anger at Odette for rushing to his side. What stings even more is that she didn’t come to the concert. I suppose she has made her choice. What a complete and utter fuckwit he is. And yet, it is he that she keeps running to. I told a nurse back at the hospital that he needed to be evangelized and while that was pretty damn funny, it wasn’t enough. He needs to suffer. I have to figure out where he is going to stay and then sick the cops on him. He is bound to have pot on him, or an unpaid parking ticket, something….

“Uhm, are you listening? You seem so far away”. Disney was talking to me and I had no idea what she was saying. I honestly didn’t care but I did agree to this date and she was really sweet so for the rest of dinner I feigned interest all the while plotting my revenge on Jake. Something changed though in the course of our dinner and I found myself actually enjoying myself. This chick could do more than just dance and act, she was actually pretty damn funny. I ordered another round of drinks (diet coke for her, whiskey straight for me) and noticed someone was looking on with interest.

“O.k., we are on” I whispered to my dinner companion nodding at the direction of our shadow.

“Does this mean we have to make out or something?” Her voice was shaking and I am certain she was turning pale beneath the layer of spray tan that coated her otherwise pretty face.

“Relax, you are making me feel like a pervert. Pretend it is just a role. Remember, you are an actress” I slowly turned to her keeping one eye on the skunk at the table behind us and drew her face towards mine. I kissed her slowly at first and then with the passion that four whiskeys and months of pent up anguish afforded me. I could tell that she was starting to like it too and so I began to slowly start to move my hand up her smooth, tanned thigh and under the small fabric of her skirt.

All too suddenly, she grabbed my hand and giddily exclaimed “success!” As I tried to regain my composure, she started babbling about how great my performance was and how the guy was totally snapping shots until the restaurant manager threw him out. We were sure to make the cover of some rag tomorrow and while she was gushing about how cool that will be while texting her high school boyfriend, I suddenly felt like shit.

I mumbled a quick goodbye and half-ran out to the street where I promptly puked into the weird plastic plant outside the restaurant and stumbled into a cab. After swearing I wasn’t going to barf all over his car and promising an extra 20 if he would just get me the hell out of there, I headed back to the hotel. I briefly hoped that Odette would be jealous and  I knew that the guys were going to give me shit when they saw the shots of me and Miss Teen but I didn’t care. All I could focus on was Jake and how I was going to bring him down once and for all.

Before crashing, I picked up my phone and listened to a message from Odette.

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