Evan helped to bring Luna’s bags into the living room, setting each one down with a thud next to the front door. He looked up at me from the suitcases and before he could even stand up I was throwing myself at him for a long hug that he eventually pulled away from. I could have stayed there all day. Luna was now sitting on the floor next to Zoe, kissing her cheek and tickling her. She looked up, at me. Where’s Chris, honey?”
“He um, moved out a few day ago,” I said
She looked suddenly very sad. “When you texted me?”
I nodded. I didn’t look at Evan.
“I’m gonna go home and take a shower” he said and ducked out.
Luna was making one of Zoe’s dolls dance and she said. Where’s he living? Is he in town?”
He’s staying with a friend near Flagler Downtown, for now. He comes to see Zoe all the time.”
I shrugged. “I couldn’t deal” I said.
“What about Zoe?”, she said almost angrily.
“I know ” I said. “But she still sees daddy. She just doesn’t see mommy crying on the floor now, or hear fighting when she’s trying to go to sleep.”
“I just don’t understand your frequent changes of heart,” she said. “Your indecisions are very hurtful to a lot of people.”
I bit at my fingernails, “I try to do what is right, what my brain tells me to do. But my body and heart have other plans for me.”
I sighed. “I get panic attacks when Chris is around. That’s got to mean something right? I mean, why does my body fall to bits and I feel like I’m going to freaking die? Then I’m FINE when he’s gone, only, I miss him so badly my heart hurts.” I looked at Luna and she was staring at me blankly. “ I’m just crazy I guess.”
I waited for her to say, ‘ No you’re not ‘ but she said, ‘We’re all a little crazy, honey. But perhaps you more than others.”
“Hmm, thanks, Luna.”
“I’m not trying to be mean, Odette. I’m just tired from a long flight and, well, it’s just sad.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Shen nodded, then she got up and took her bags from the front door and walked off to her bedroom. I took her place on the floor next to Zoe and wondered how I was going to fix this mess.